Sticking with You
by Red Chucks
Summary: My attempt at a Valentines Day fic based on a prompt from the Boosh Slash Haven. And it's my usual fare of loving looks, longing sighs and not much action. Well, a little bit of action. Well, there's running. Happy February 14th.
1. Chapter 1

**My first Valentines Day fic offering. The prompt for this was the Velvet Underground song: I'm sticking with you. It's a really sweet song but this fic turned out rather silly and embarrassing really. Still, it's written now so I'm posting it. All chapters are done so I'll be uploading them as I proof them. **

**Happy Valentines Day Booshies. **

* * *

"This is _Well_ weird!"

"You're not wrong there, little man. I'm sorry about all this. I really am."

"Don't worry, Howard. Really. I'm pretty sure I know how this one ends."

...

It had started out innocently enough. Valentines Day had rolled around - again - and neither man had managed to get a date. Vince had received plenty of anonymous cards but had recently discovered that the problem with being considered a God of Cool was that no one was actually brave enough to ask him out. He didn't mind though, hanging out with Howard had it's own special charm.

Howard didn't have a date because Howard never could get a date, and had given up trying after the incident at his party, secretly sure that anyone he took an interest in would eventually turn out to be Old Gregg in disguise. And so it had been that Valentines Day night had arrived and they had decided to stay in and watch a film.

That had been the plan, and if anyone else had formulated such a plan it probably would have, well, gone according to plan, but as it was Vince and Howard, they ended up getting sucked inside the television.

After the first few minutes in their new rain-soaked location, during which Vince swore his tits off and cursed Naboo's inability to keep magical items in his own room and Howard freaked out silently on his knees in the mud with his face frozen in it's aggrieved sailor expression, they both decided to calm down and try to find out where they were.

Vince's approach was, as ever, more straight forward than Howard's.

"Where are we, Howard?"

"I don't know, do I!"

Vince rolled his eyes and pulled his best friend out of his puddle of mud and self-pity.

"Settle down, you batty crease. I was just asking."

"Well how am I supposed to know?"

"Cos you picked the film."

"I - what?"

This time Vince didn't just roll his eyes, he cocked his hip, flicked his hair and looked up at Howard through his lashes. It was a signature move and one that never failed to get a reaction. Howard generally reacted by returning to his persona as the smart one of the duo, which suited Vince just fine. He didn't mind being the brains of the operation as long as no one realised.

"It's obvious, isn't it? I tried to turn the sound up on the telly and picked up Naboo's enchanted remote by mistake. It transported us into the film, which is why I am currently dressed like some Adam Ant dandy highwayman wannabe, and why you look like a sexy Heathcliff. Now we just have to figure out how to get out of here which probably means we have to work out where _Here_ actually is. That's right, isn't it, Howard?"

"Uh... yes?"

Vince sighed and trudged off through the rain to a nearby tree. Trust Howard to pick a film that got them landed in a sodden field in the middle of Bowie-knew-where. Not to mention the outfit. It was a mix of old romantic/pirate/steampunk-without-the-punk and was, most horribly, made up of shades of brown. The boots had almost no heel on them and there was way too much room in his trousers. It was all Howard's fault. Especially the sexy Heathcliff comment. He hadn't meant to say that, not out loud in any case. It was Howard's fault. How dare he look good in an outfit when Vince looked so awkward. How dare he look so good full stop!

Vince reached the tree and shook his now soaked hair until it no longer covered his eyes. He was trying to seem dim and carefree as usual but it wasn't working properly. It hadn't been working properly since the night of the party, since the night he'd realised he really did fancy his best friend a bit.

Howard couldn't know about this. He was so straight he made rulers look bent and biros look, um... Vince tried to think of a synonym but couldn't. Howard definitely had a better vocabulary, even if he was a bit slow most of the time.

Vince scowled and leant against the rough bark of the tree. This was typical for their lives. They tried to do something normal and ended up on a crazy adventure. He needed a clue for how to get back home, just a hint of what he was supposed to do.

He was thinking as hard as he could without being able to sort out his hair and so didn't hear Howard approach until the larger man slumped against the tree to his right.

"Ah! Howard, don't sneak up on me like that! How can such a big northern bear like you move so quietly anyway?"

"It's my Heathcliff boots."

"Shut up."

Howard just chuckled and Vince smiled despite himself.

"_Plunkett and Macleane_."

"What?"

"That's the name of the film. It's a historical comedy about highway men."

"Right. At least it's not in black and white."

Howard chuckled again and Vince chanced a glance in his direction. Howard didn't smile or laugh a lot these days. He was too busy being depressed and awkward to be cheerful, but at least he wasn't as angry and violent as he'd been when they were younger. Vince didn't miss Howard throwing cups and snapping brooms, but he did miss Howard's smile. He missed dancing around in ponchos and millet distribution. If he was honest, he missed the days when they were both unpopular and only had each other. Maybe if they got out of here - no, when they got out of here - they could have a go at rebuilding that old friendship. Maybe that was why they were here in the first place? Nah. Nothing was that well planned in their world.

"Not very romantic though, is it."

Howard gave him a bemused look.

"Why should it be romantic?"

"Well, it's Valentines Day, ain't it? I thought all the films on telly would be romantic."

"I purposely chose the only thing I could find that wasn't overly romantic or snooker."

"Oh..." Vince chewed his lip. It seemed a shame that just because they were only good mates that he and Howard weren't allowed to watch romantic movies together. Vince liked romance, mainly because he never encountered it in real life.

"So, what's the plan then, Howard?"

"I really have no idea, Vince. All I know is that I'm sticking with you."

"Come again?"

Vince blinked, his romance-fogged brain struggling to find a way to interpret that statement in a way that Howard might possibly mean while his romance-addled heart skipped a beat.

"I'm sticking with you."

"Why's that? You channeling Lou Reed now?"

"If I am it's only because you're channeling Maureen Tucker."

"Genius. But seriously, why the Velvet reference?"

It was Howard's turn to roll his eyes and Vince felt quietly pleased that Howard was starting to pull himself back together. He liked a decisive, confident Howard.

"There was no Velvet Underground reference, you idiot, all I said was: I'm sticking with you."

"_I'm sticking with you, 'cos I'm made out of-_"

"Stop it! This isn't the time to break out into song. I was trying to tell you that we need to stick together because whenever we get separated during these stupid adventures I end up being kidnapped by amorous monsters."

Vince nodded.

"That is true. I'm still going to have that song stuck in my head for the rest of the day though, thanks to you."

"At least it's a band we can both tolerate."

"True."

"Shall we focus on how to get home now?"

"I was hoping you'd say that."

Vince grinned. This wasn't a bad way to spend Valentines Day. Not really.

_"I'm sticking with-"_

"Shut it."


	2. Chapter 2

**The second chapter. It's a tiny chapter. **

**And for those who might not realise: I don't own the Boosh or the Velvet Underground or any of the movies mentioned in this story. I'm just bored in bed recovering from a bone marrow biopsy.**

* * *

As it was, they spent the next hour sitting under the tree watching the rain. Well, Vince watched the rain. And Howard. And the empty mud road at the other end of the field. Howard was madly trying to summon up an escape plan.

"What we need is some sort of link with the outside world - with our world. A portal or worm hole. We need to find out exactly how we were brought here and then we might be able to figure out how to escape..."

He had his eyes tightly shut and didn't notice Vince rummage excitedly through his pockets. He heard Vince squeal in delight but ignored it. Vince was always getting excited by something, probably a glittery raindrop.

"Hey, Howard!"

"... or maybe it's a self-discovery quest and you're here to discover the joys of the countryside and brown clothes; or I'm here to rediscover my Man-of-Action roots..."

"Hey, Howard! Howard. Howard. Howard. Howard?"

Howard opened his eyes a crack. Enough so that he could see but not enough that Vince would notice. (There were some benefits to having tiny peepers.)

"Howard?"

Vince looked like a puppy, damp from the rain but excited and desperate for attention, his blue eyes big and affectionate and impossible not to love. Even if he was an annoying tit.

"Howard, you know what you were saying before-"

"If you've interrupted my chain of thought just to sing at me again I will come at you like Heathcliff went at... at... well, like any of the other characters in that book." Howard paused and furrowed his brow in his deep thinking way which in turn caused Vince to blush furiously and take a sudden interest in his unattractive boots.

"You don't really think Heathcliff was sexy do you, Vince? I mean, the man was a brute. A bully with incest issues. He was-"

"Tortured by a love that he thought was forbidden to him and by a life which made him feel like an outcast, so he tortured all the people around him instead and made everybody miserable, especially himself and his one true love."

Howard was gobsmacked. He'd never heard Vince say something so intelligent in his life and his brain had literally gone blank.

"How do you? I mean... what?"

"Got your attention now, do I? Good, 'cos I found this in my pocket."

Howard looked down at what Vince was holding but he was still in shock from Vince's random insightfulness to realise what he was holding.

"And that is?"

"Naboo's enchanted remote, you dingbat! It's what sent us here. Maybe it can get us back."

"Yes!" Howard snapped back into action. "This was just what I was thinking we needed! We won't need to discover anything after all, we can just click this thing and 'poof!' we'll be right back home again."

He scrambled to his feet and began to pace dramatically around the tree, waving the remote and pulling his best Man-of-Action poses, Vince's out of character words already forgotten.

"I knew I'd be able to get us out of here, didn't I tell you not to worry, Vince? Howard Moon is an escapology genius, yes sir."

" 'Course you are, Howard," Vince replied, bouncing to his feet with a good deal more grace than Howard had and looking indulgently at his friend. "But I do have one question, yeah?"

"Oh," Howard stopped walking and turned back to his friend. "And what's that?"

"Well, I'm pretty sure you're right about that remote being able to get us home again and all, but the problem I see is that there are a whole heap of buttons on that thing but none of them have words or pictures on 'em to tell us what they do. How do we know which button to press?"

It was a legitimate question but Vince wished he hadn't asked it as he watched Howard's face crumple in despair. He could be well extreme in his mood changes sometimes.

"We're doomed! Doomed! Oh, what a world! I had so much to give! Why me? Why me? Oh, the humanity!"

At which point the narrative was inexplicably paused to allow for a series of advertisements, during which Naboo walked into the room and settled himself down on the settee, wondering where Vince and Howard had gotten to.


	3. Chapter 3

"Pull it together, Howard!"

"We're doomed! We're - OW! You slapped me!"

Howard tried to glare in an intimidating manner but Vince gave as good as he got and it was only a moment before Howard broke eye contact and mumbled something which might have been an apology.

Vince grabbed the enchanted remote from his mate's hand and began to wear his own pacing path around the tree. Pressing a button on the remote had brought them here, therefore surely their escape would be as simple as pressing another button. Unless this really was a voyage of self-discovery, like Howard had mentioned in his not-really-coming-up-with-a-plan-at-all ramblings. If it was, Vince had a sneaking suspicion what he was supposed to discover - and admit - what with it being Valentines Day and all.

He shook his head to dislodge the unwelcome thought and looked down at the remote. There were no pictures or symbols or words on the buttons, although a few were in different colors, and one was shaped like an arrow.

"An arrow!"

Vince did a little jump and half ran, half skipped back to Howard.

"Look, Howard, an arrow!"

"An arrow?"

Howard seemed annoyingly unimpressed but Vince wasn't going to be put off.

"Yeah. I 'reckon I pressed the arrow button before, thinking it'd turn the sound up."

"But it didn't, did it, Vince? It sent us here."

"Exactly!"

Howard still looked nonplussed.

"Maybe all we need to do is press the arrow button again and it'll send us home!"

Vince watched as the penny spun and spun and finally dropped in Howard's brain space.

"You're right! Well, rather, I was right all along. Brilliant! We're going home! Quick, press the button."

"Um..." Vince suddenly felt unsure. There was a strange sensation in his belly and as he looked up at Howard he realised that he wished they could have done just a little bit of self-discovery after all.

"Maybe we should hold hands, Howard," he said, doing his best to appear casual.

"What? Why?"

"Not in a gay way, just to make sure that we both get transported back, you know. Wouldn't want you getting stranded in some TV static limbo world or anything."

To Vince's great surprise, Howard nodded, strode over to him and intertwined their fingers, causing both of them to experience a little thrill of electricity which went unnoticed by the other. They took a deep breath in unison and then, trying to look confident, Vince pressed the button.

...

The sensation of being stretched and wrung out like a wet flannel was the same as it had been the last time and Vince felt like he might have thrown up if he hadn't had the comforting strength of Howard's palm against his. It took several moments for them both to realise that they'd arrived. The air was full of smoke and the ground shook as mortars exploded somewhere to their left.

Vince vaguely heard Howard cry: "Oh God, we're going to die!" but didn't respond. He saw a row of palm trees to their right and headed for the nearest one. It had worked for them last time after all. As they reached their destination and collapsed onto their knees on the orange sand another mortar exploded and Vince shrieked and Howard instinctively wrapped his arms around his smaller friend's shoulders.

"Where are we, Howard? Where are we? Where are we? Where are we?"

"How am I supposed to know this time!"

The sky was suddenly dotted with paratroopers dressed in old fashioned khaki and Vince let out a small shriek when he looked down and realised he was dressed just the same.

"I 'reckon it's a war movie, Howard!"

"What?"

"War movie!"

The mortars were getting closer, as were the advancing soldiers but Vince was frozen in p_lace._ What was he supposed to do now?

_"The English Patient_!" he yelled.

"The what?"

"The film, it's _The English Patien_t. It was on the telly tonight as well."

"Aw," Vince groaned. "What sort of choice is that for Valentines Day? It's the most complicated and tragic movie ever!"

"Agreed!" Howard yelled over the gun fire which had just stared up. "Shall we press the button again and move on?"

"Oh yeah."

Vince practically laughed with relief upon realising they weren't going to end up as background corpses in a World War Two film. That would have been well embarrassing. Bracing himself against Howard, who still had his arms wrapped protectively around him, Vince took up the remote, squeezed his eyes shut in anticipation, and pressed the arrow button.

When he opened his eyes, he really wished he hadn't.


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry, fell asleep. Here's the rest of the story.**

* * *

The ground was shaking as if it might split open at any moment and the wind that whipped at his body was like a thousand needles of icy pain even through the strange protective suit he was suddenly wearing. Howard didn't want to open his eyes, but he did. Mostly because Vince was whimpering.

The sky was black and the landscape looked to be made out of jagged pieces of ice. Whatever film they were in now had had a really big budget. Dragging himself and Vince to their feet, Howard took another look at their surroundings.

"I think this is _Armageddon._"

"You can say that again!" Vince screamed, bringing his hands to his space helmet in terror as the ground began to rumble and break apart beneath their feet.

"We better get out of here then."

"Good idea. I'll just-"

Vince froze mid-sentence, his words dying as he looked at his empty hands. The remote was gone.

"We're going to die!"

Despite being the manly man of the duo and claiming to be a well travelled and fearless explorer, Howard wasn't actually used to being the leader _or_ the brave one. That was Vince's job generally. Vince was good at being brave. Howard figured it was because he was so naturally lucky. It was hard to be scared when you lived with the certainty that you were the Chosen One.

Right now, however, Vince was falling apart. Somehow the large space suit made him look smaller, like a child playing dress-ups, and he was shaking like a leaf in an autumn gale, seconds away from being torn from the branch. Howard was scared too, terrified in fact, but he had to be strong for Vince. Later on he'd be able to fall apart, safe in the knowledge that Vince would be the strong one for him, but right now Vince needed him and he would not disappoint.

"It'll be alright, Vince. Trust me ok. I won't let anything happen to you, I promise. Now help me look for it!"

He yelled over the rumbling of the ground and Vince nodded dumbly. Together they knelt back down on the ground and began to search among the space rock and shards of ice. Visibility was low and Vince was whispering that it was hopeless and Howard was ready to agree with him when the ground beneath them shook so ferociously that they were thrown viciously against the rock.

Ice and stone rained down on them both but suddenly Howard was hit by something that felt distinctly different.

"That was - Ouch! - That was plastic! The remote!"

He scrambled for it, and the second it was in his hand he grabbed onto Vince, held him close and pressed the button.

...

"Yay! We're back in _Plunkett_! No, wait... Aw! We're still trapped in the telly!"

Vince looked around their soggy surroundings with disappointment but at the same time couldn't deny that he was relieved to be back there rather than in one of the other films currently showing on the television.

And he couldn't deny the deep surge of gratitude and affection he felt when he thought back to the way Howard had held it together for them both. He didn't know if dying in TV land meant dying in real life too, but he did know that he didn't want to find out. They would just have to stay out of trouble until they thought of a better plan. Or until Naboo realised that both they and his enchanted remote were missing and came to rescue them. That was possibly the more likely option but he had no way of knowing when that would happen. Still, this seemed like the ultimate place to stay out of trouble. It was completely deserted, not even a cow on the horizon. Completely silent... Howard!

Vince stumbled over to where Howard lay, spread eagled on the wet grass. They were both back in their eighteenth century highwaymen outfits and, despite the fact that he was staring lifelessly up at the stormy sky, Howard still managed to look disturbingly hot. Vince bit his lip and touched Howard's cheek tentatively.

"Howard?"

No answer.

"Howard, please say you're alright? You saved my skin back there, you ain't allowed to bow out now. That's not on. We're a double act, seeing things through to the end together, you and me... Please, Howard?"

There was still no answer and Vince felt the sharp sting of tears behind his eyes. He couldn't lose Howard, not again. He was fairly sure that he wouldn't be able to pull off another Monkey Hell gaol break stunt if Howard died in TV land. And he didn't want to keep going if Howard wasn't with him.

He gave Howard's broad shoulders a shake. Nothing.

He slapped his stubbled cheek. Nothing, except that Vince's palm stung.

There was only one thing left to try.

Vince wasn't really a fan of realistic films. He'd seen plenty, just like he'd seen plenty of plays and read plenty of books (although he didn't own up to that fact), but he didn't really like realism. He preferred cartoons and fairy tales, even if Howard said they were childish, and in those stories there was always one sure way to revive someone who seemed to be dead.

His cheeks pale and his chest heaving, Vince bent carefully over Howard's face and kissed him delicately on the lips.


	5. Chapter 5

**And a special prize to the person who picks the random Doctor Who reference. Enjoy.**

* * *

The kiss was the gentlest Vince had ever experienced, probably because Howard was completely out of it, but it just felt so right, like his lips were made for kissing Howard's. So perfect, so right... until Howard ruined it by waking up and lurching forward so that their foreheads cracked together painfully.

"Ow! Howard!"

"Hey! Woah now. What were you doing? You can't do that to man when he's unconscious."

"But, Howard I -"

"I thought we talked about this, decided it wasn't the right time."

Vince felt a sudden rush of rage sweep through him. How dare Howard come back from the dead and remind him of the most humiliating moment of his life. He'd had to put up with Shoreditch trendies gossiping about him getting ditched by a Jazz Freak for a whole month after that incident. Not to mention the devastation of the dumping itself. This was... this was an outrage.

"No, Howard," he yelled stumbling back and falling back onto the grass a few feet away.

"You talked about it! I didn't get a choice. And anyway, that was then. The timing's different now, surely?"

"You don't mean this, Vince. It's just the adrenaline talking."

"Adrenaline can't talk, Howard, it's a chemical reaction."

"Vince, please?"

Vince sighed and looked at his boots. Chucked by Howard again. At least this time there was no one around to witness his shame.

"I only did it 'cos that's what people do in movies to bring back other people who look like they're dead."

Even though it came out as a mumble Vince was sure that Howard heard him.

The silence stretched out between them until Vince thought it might snap and lash them both in the face.

"You thought I was dead?"

It wasn't what Vince was expecting and he answered without thinking.

"Yeah, again. It was horrible."

"Oh, Vince... Thank you for saving me then."

"You're welcome. Thanks for saving me in _Armageddon_ and all."

"Don't mention it little man."

Vince nodded. Things had just gone beyond awkward and into... stupid brain incapable of thinking of synonyms!

Vince lay back in the wet grass with a huff just as it started to rain again. Brilliant, he thought. Just brilliant. Valentines Day couldn't get any worse.

"So... back in _Plunkett and Macleane _ I see."

"Mm-hmm."

Howard shuffled over.

"Still raining."

"Mm-hmm."

"I suppose all the movie action's happening elsewhere right now, eh? Else this'd be one boring film, eh?"

"You chose it. What d'you expect?"

"Ouch."

"Sorry."

Vince rolled onto his side so Howard wouldn't see his face. He hated getting depressed in front of Howard, it messed with their dynamic. And he didn't want Howard to see that he was still upset at being turned down. Again. He just wanted to go home and curl up on the sofa with a blanket, a mug of hot chocolate a good cartoon.

"Yep, pretty quiet round-"

Howard stood up suddenly and began to walk away, calling over his shoulder before Vince could even register the change in pace.

"Vince! Vince, come on, hurry!"

Vince got up swiftly and immediately heard the tell tale crunch of wheels, jangle of harness and clumping of hooves in mud that signaled the approach a movie coach. A second later it rounded a bend in the road and Howard was already there, blocking its path and waving his arms. The coach came to a stop mere inches from him, the driver swearing loudly while the horses reared and rolled their eyes. Vince didn't blame them. Howard's chest was heaving from his run across the field and his clothes were drenched and covered in mud. He looked more than a little crazy. He was also talking loudly and as he moved around to the window of the coach Vince saw him pull the remote from his pocket and waggle it about.

Oh dear, he thought.

Within the carriage a woman screamed and someone began to yell.

"A highwayman! Help!"

"Shoot the brute, quick!"

Vince began to run.

"Oh, Howard," he muttered as he felt his chest burn at the exertion. "Why couldn't you just stick with me? Now we're going to get killed again."

He skidded to a stop beside Howard just in time to hear another woman scream:

"Eek! There's two of them! Highwaymen trying to ravish us! Get the pistols."

"Bollocks!" was all he managed to say before a pistol was shoved before his nose and the film cut to another commercial.

...

"Bollocks indeed," muttered Naboo, surrounded by a mess of wires, spell books and open tool boxes.

"Bollo! Where's that laser spanner we nicked off Emily Pankhurst?"

"I'm looking for it! I'm going as fast as I can!"

"Well look faster! Those two idiots are about to get themselves strung up by the roadside if we don't get this thing working!"


	6. Chapter 6

Strung up by the roadside... well this was new. They'd both nearly died loads of times, in very varied ways, but Vince had never imagined that he and Howard would ever be facing their end together standing on a box under a tree in a muddy field with nooses tight around their necks. It was an extra surprise that it was two attractive young women (and one not so attractive older woman who may have been a man dressed up) doing the hanging.

They'd struggled of course, and Howard had begged them not to kill him but the women had tied their hands behind their backs and pointed pistols at their heads and there hadn't really been a lot of choice involved after that.

The two younger women seemed rather bored now that their apparent assailants were trussed up and ready to die but the older one was stalking around them, preparing to kick the box away with obvious glee.

"Any last words, my naughty little scoundrel dumplings?"

This was it, it seemed. The end. Vince sighed and looked over at Howard. At least they were going together. And they had tried to stick together and help each other. Instead they'd ended up in outer space and the middle of a war and holding up a stagecoach in the rain and...

_'Hold on a minute,'_ Vince's braincell piped up. _'Maybe this is a journey of self-discovery after all. Maybe this is the moment of your big reveal. Maybe it's all tied in together and you need to let him know, confess the truth! It's worth doing anyway,' _ it ended with a mental shrug. _'As you're going to die and all.'_

Vince nodded. His brain cell wasn't that bright but it had a point. He should at least try for a Hollywood ending. He'd feel a dick if he didn't try. (If it was possible to feel like a dick when you were dead.)

"I said, any last words?"

"Yeah," Vince said, doing his best to sound like a cockney bitch rather than a scaredy cat.

"This is _Well_ weird!"

Howard chuckled. They were standing so close on the narrow box that Vince could feel the movement of his shoulder as he laughed quietly and it made him feel just a little bit brave.

"You're not wrong there, little man. I'm sorry about all this. I really am."

"Don't worry, Howard. Really. I'm pretty sure I know how this one ends."

"I think I do too."

"Nah, Howard. It doesn't end like this. All the best movies end with people declaring their love through song, Howard."

"They... do?"

"Yep, so here goes nothing, Small Eyes."

Vince took a deep breath to calm his nerves and started to sing.

He couldn't pull any shapes or strike any poses, and it wasn't the sort of song he could put on a silly rock star voice for, and that was scary in so many ways. This was just his voice, wobbly and uneven and embarrassingly sincere. He just hoped that Howard would get the message in time to save their necks. Literally.

_"I'm sticking with you,_

_'Cos I'm made out of glue._

_Anything that you might do,_

_I'm gonna do too._

_You held up a stage coach in the rain,_

_And I'm doing the same._

_Saw you're hanging from a tree,_

_And I made believe it was me._

_I'm sticking with you,_

_'Cos I'm made out of glue._

_Anything that you might do,_

_I'm gonna do too._

_People going to the stratosphere,_

_Soldiers fighting in the war?_

_But with you by my side I can do anything,_

_When we swing_

_We hang past right or wrong._

_I'll do anything for you,_

_Anything you want me too._

_I'll do anything for you._

_Oohoh, I'm sticking with you,_

_Oohoh, I'm sticking with you,_

_Oohoh, I'm sticking with you."_

He finished the song to utter silence.

The two pistol toting women were staring with their mouths agape, the older one had her face buried in a hanky and Howard... well, Howard was looking at him with an expression Vince couldn't read, and he thought he knew all six of Howard's facial expressions.

"That was beautiful."

"Um... thanks."

"You changed the words though."

"Only two."

"It was pretty close wasn't it?"

"Pretty fucking close, yeah."

"Quite the coincidence."

"No."

Vince tried to shake his head but found that he really couldn't.

"Don't think it was a coincidence. Think it was fate or something. I think this was all meant to happen and this is our big moment. Our reveal. If this was our movie it'd be our theme song and all."

"I suppose so."

Howard also tried to nod, found he couldn't and settled for a raise of his eyebrows instead.

"And now there's just one thing left to do," Vince whispered, his nerves starting to get the better of him.

"There is?"

"Uh-huh. 'Cos, Howard? I love you."

"Oh."

The silence was back. The women still had their mouths hanging open but now they were staring incredulously at Howard. The older one looked up from her handkerchief and glared menacingly.

"I was going to let you go after that song. But if you are really that daft, Mr Howard Highwayman, then you deserve to die."

And with an almighty thump the box was kicked out from under their feet.


	7. Chapter 7

**The final chapter of this little romp I'm afraid. Hope you enjoyed it. I apologise for the horrendous amount of sap. **

**There are heaps of Velvet Underground clips on YouTube so check them out, they were great. And happy February 14th! Thanks for reading.**

* * *

"NO!"

The pistol wielding women rushed forward.

"NO!"

Howard's eyes widened in horror as his feet slipped out beneath him.

"NO!"

Naboo screamed as he pressed frantically at his hurriedly patched together remote.

"No?"

The older woman asked as the box sailed through the and air two pairs of boots swung.

Vince said nothing at all. He'd tried so hard, and the last act of his life was admitting his love to his best mate. And getting turned down for the second time that day. It turned out his life was just another romantic tragedy after all. Thanks a lot, Heathcliff. He could probably come back as a ghost in a red dress but what was the point when Howard wouldn't be there to haunt.

He felt the rope tighten around his throat, felt the air suddenly leave him, felt the blood pumping in his head.

In his ears the Velvet Underground played softly, and he smiled as his vision blurred to black.

He didn't hear the twin pistol bangs. Or see the loud flash of Naboo arriving out of thin air. But he felt the ground as it hit him and the knife on his neck as the rope was cut away.

And he heard Howard.

"Vince!"

His voice was hoarse and the hands that held him close were shaky but Vince still tried to give him a smile.

"Vince I -"

A fit of coughing stopped him from continuing and they were both quickly bundled onto Naboo's carpet. The three women were all talking at once but Naboo was ignoring them and the last Vince heard of them was a scream as Naboo hooked the remote up to the magic carpet and they were instantly transported back to the Dalston flat.

...

Three hours had passed and Vince now found himself on the sofa with a warn blanket, mug of hot chocolate (curtesy of Bollo) and a large pile of Disney classics to watch at his leisure. He was exhausted but didn't want to contemplate sleep. He was sure he'd have nightmares.

He rubbed at the bruise on his neck. There was a very good chance that it would leave a permanent mark, a reminder of this particularly unpleasant adventure. Naboo hadn't been able to do anything about it, lisping something about his potions not working on TV land injuries, and Vince shuddered as he thought how close he'd come to death. Him and Howard.

Howard.

He'd stumbled off to their bedroom almost immediately after Naboo brought them back, shutting the door behind him in a wordless plea to be left alone. Naboo had tried to explain that he was probably struggling with the trauma of it all and would come out when he was ready, Bollo just called him a ballbag and added extra marshmallows to Vince's hot chocolate, and he knew he was supposed to find their words comforting. But he didn't. He just felt heart broken.

He'd poured his whole heart into that song and declaration of love. It hadn't saved them or led to a happy ending. Hollywood was a lying cow, he decided, and Valentines Day was a sham.

As he drained the last of his hot chocolate he heard the bedroom door creak open and the soft footsteps as Howard tried to sneak into the room. He wasn't so quiet without his Heathcliff boots, was he?

Vince had a look of indifference all ready to go when Howard came to stand in front of him, but it quickly turned into a look of confusion. Howard was holding his guitar in one hand and a large red box of chocolates in the other.

"Happy Valentines Day, Vince," he said softly, handing over the box.

"I bought those just in case. But I never thought I'd get up the courage to actually give them to you. I'm sorry. I've been a tit. And-"

He sat down on the sofa next to Vince and brought his guitar into position.

"And since you sang so beautifully for me, I thought it only fair that I repay you in kind."

He closed his eyes and began to strum the guitar, his nervousness fading as he lost himself in the music.

Vince smiled sadly. He loved watching Howard play like this, when it wasn't jazz. He looked relaxed and happy. He supposed that if he had to be told that Howard would never love him, a song was at least a nice way to do it.

And then Howard started to sing, and Vince bit his lip.

_"Sometimes I feel so happy,_

_Sometimes I feel so sad._

_Sometimes I feel so happy,_

_But mostly you just make me mad._

_Baby you just make me mad._

_Linger on, your pale blue eyes._

_Linger on, your pale blue eyes._

_Thought of you as my mountain top,_

_Thought of you as my peak._

_Thought of you as everything,_

_I've had but couldn't keep._

_I've had but couldn't keep._

_Linger on, your pale blue eyes._

_Linger on, your pale blue eyes._

_If I could make the world as pure and strange as what I see,_

_I'd put you in the mirror,_

_I put in front of me._

_I put in front of me._

_Linger on, your pale blue eyes. _

_Linger on, your pale blue eyes._

_It was good what we did yesterday._

_And I'd do it once again._

_The fact that you're still with me,_

_Only proves, you're my best friend._

_But what a fool I've been._

_Linger on, your pale blue eyes. _

_Linger on, your pale blue eyes."_

Vince could feel the tears escaping his eyes and leaving another set of tracks down his face but he didn't care. At least Howard still wanted to be his friend. That was something. And Howard had a better singing voice than anyone gave him credit for.

"You changed some of the words."

"I did. Just a few. It was pretty close though."

"It was beautiful, Howard. Thank you."

"No, little man. Thank you."

"What?"

"You saved us. Those women shot our ropes because they didn't want you to die. I think you were right too, about it being a quest of self-discovery, only I didn't learn fast enough and nearly ruined it for both of us."

"What'r you getting at, Howard?"

"Let me finish would you. I'm pouring my heart out here."

Vince bit his lip again and looked up coyly through his fringe.

"Sorry Howard."

Howard chuckled and put his guitar down gently on the floor so that there was no barrier between them.

"Don't be. I'm the one who's sorry. I'm sorry I pushed you away. You deserve so much more."

"I only want you," Vince whispered.

"Then happy Valentines Day, Vince. I'm yours... I love you too."

Vince let out a sob, but before he could cover his mouth with his hand Howard had covered it with his lips. He pulled Vince into his lap and for the longest time that was all there was, just kissing and holding and the occasional sob as they each realised what they had found.

...

"You think that right, Naboo? Powerful magic of narrative really designed to make Vince and Howard realise their love?"

Bollo did his best to whisper from where he and Naboo were hidden in the hallway but he could have shouted and the two new lovers wouldn't have heard. Naboo scoffed.

"Nah. Getting sucked into the telly was just a freak accident. They were lucky I rescued 'em when I did."

"Oh."

"The Velvet Underground, though... that's different. There's powerful magic in that music. It's almost like it was written for them. I won't be surprised if the spirit of Lou Reed's behind this. Still... Least it was a happy ending."

And with that he turned and went to bed. Bollo grunted and watched a little longer but it seemed that all Vince and Howard were interested in was kissing right now, rather than explaining the plot holes, so he eventually went to bed too.

...

And so midnight came and went and Valentines Day was done for another year. But something new and wonderful had begun which was much better. Vince and Howard eventually fell asleep on the sofa, tangled up together in a firm embrace while, seemingly from no where, came a gentle song. It was a declaration of love and friendship, of being a team and a double act. It was sweet and soft and a little bit silly, not always in tune but always where it needed to be. And very, very Vince and Howard.

_"I'm sticking with you,_

_'Cos I'm made out of glue._

_Anything that you might do,_

_I'm gonna do too._

_Oohoh, I'm sticking with you,_

_Oohoh, I'm sticking with you,_

_Oohoh, I'm sticking with you."_

_The end._


End file.
